Life Doesn’t Always Go As Planned: A Letter To My 16-Year-Old Self

There comes a time in everyone’s life when we hit the reflective years. And the inevitable questions: Am I happy? Have I achieved my dreams? Is there more out there for me? We look back with nostalgia; nowadays with ever greater ease thanks to YouTube and #TBT. Never far from this nostalgia is her best friend: regret. What if I could go back and do it all over again? What would I do differently?

If someone offered me a time machine to travel back for a chat with my 16-year-old self, here’s what I would tell her.

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Dear Younger Me,

Your life is unfolding right now, as it happens. Revel in it. Don’t fret about what tomorrow will bring. Even when you accumulate adult-sized responsibilities. Or when you experience seemingly unbearable difficulties.

This may sound like an unoriginal cliché. In fact, you’re probably sick of hearing this overworked piece of advice. But it’s the only truth you ever need to know. And far easier said than done.

Incidentally, you’ll quickly learn that everything you need to know already exists. There is no new. No original. There is only your journey to uncover the magic and understand it within your own experience on this earth. Drink it all in.

Life won’t turn out as you expect. Your dreams will disintegrate, even when you achieve them. Because standing on the podium doesn’t feel like you imagine it will. And sometimes you will reach a different podium than you intended.

In times of glory, you will feel compulsively reflective. Once the initial excitement has passed, you will relive all of the moments it took to get there: the hours of hard work; the laughs with your colleagues; that time you lost 15 pages of text when the computer crashed; the other time when you were delirious after too much sugar and too many hours awake trying to solve a tough problem.

Take a moment right now to savour these memories in the making. They are precious. Your life as it happens is all that matters.

You will never be the same as you are right now. You may think, “thank heavens for that”! But one day you will miss these years, even amidst the uncertainty and fears and hopes and dreams. It’s right now that shapes who you are. That is true today. The same will be true tomorrow. And for every day as long as you are alive.

Drama will come and go. Over time what feels like big stuff will get smaller and smaller.

Your proudest moments will surprise you in their banality.

It’s normal to feel inadequate at times. The sooner you realize that everyone else feels the same way, the sooner you’ll get on with the business of bringing your unique gifts into the world instead of worrying about whether or not you measure up.

Vulnerability is what it feels like to take risks, to learn, to grow. This feeling never entirely goes away. If it does, then you’ve settled for less than you were put on this earth to be. Embrace the shake.

Friends will come and go. The guest list of your ten-year anniversary looks very different to that of your wedding. Some people will remain friends forever, even though you live oceans apart. Others will play a larger-than-life role in the short time they are part of your life.

Not everyone will like you. Get over it. Find people who do. And listen to those who respectfully disagree with you. They offer rare insight to help you grow.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. This makes you strong, not weak.

Health is your most precious asset. It is to be cherished at all costs. In the end, this is all you’ve got. Keep taking care of yourself. It’s the best investment you can make.

One day you’ll look forward to going to bed at 11pm at the weekend. Yes, for real.

Life won’t be at all as you planned. But it will be as fabulous as you make it every day. Start down this path now and you will never need to look back, or forward, for a better version.

With love,

A Little Bit Older Me

Photo credits: Annie Spratt frank mckenna