Disarming the beast: Sue King on moving from intention to being

She has reawakened the inner resources of corporate executives from Geneva to Toronto with her calisthenics for the soul. Dispensing equal doses of empathy and compassionate “kicks in the butt”, leadership and professional development coach, Sue King, guides clients on a journey to accelerate work performance and career – often uncovering deeper insights along the way. In this CultureRISE Talk, Sue shares her mind-body-soul workout tips to achieve personal transformation.

CR: How would you describe your work as a coach?

SK: Coaching is about supporting people on their journey to get clarity and make sense of what is true for them. In my practice I focus on leadership and professional development. Most people connect with me because they want to make a change in their professional life. It might be to optimize their work performance or get a promotion. I help my clients focus on their goals and then we get tough: first you define what you really want – then I come in to kick your butt a bit to go after it!

CR: What does a typical working session involve?

SK: We start by uncovering your core values: What really matters to you in life? What do you want more of? Typically these fill the same buckets, whether it’s for work or personal life. Then I ask people, what’s the impact you want to have in the world? Most of the people I talk to have a deep desire to make a positive difference and wish they could spread more of it.

CR: Not everyone has a clear idea about how to have a positive impact. What do you recommend when people are struggling to find this deeper purpose?

SK: One simple way is to notice when you feel fulfilled as you go about your daily life. For example, today I woke up and noticed I had this extra spring in my step. When I feel this way, I check in with myself to understand what is fuelling this experience: is it the great weather; the memory of an inspiring conversation with a good friend; excitement about a specific activity planned? Checking in with these feelings helps bring greater awareness so that you can create more of these experiences in your life.

Another good way to understand your impact is to talk to people that you really trust about what your impact is on them. Hearing this from the people you love most is very powerful. It gives you a different perspective.

CR: You meet many highly successful people in your practice. What do they seek from the coaching experience?

SK: Yes, I come across a lot of Type As…we’re in good company! Usually the initial goal my clients have in mind only scratches the surface. What often happens is that what started as a desire to change a specific symptom – like how to deal with a difficult boss or get that promotion – ends up touching their whole entity.

Once we get at what really matters to them, we look at the barriers getting in the way of fulfilling this reality. In the highly-driven people I meet, these barriers are mostly emotional – the famous self-limiting beliefs. We all make up these stories in our heads telling us ‘I couldn’t do that’. I hear this all the time. Each person has his or her version of the story, but in the end, we all come back to this place. Your ‘can’t do that’ story comes from a deep place – a lot of it is fear of not being loved or not belonging. The truth is, the only one stopping you is you. We work to disarm this beast.

CR: It sounds like a lot of work! Many of us are already struggling just to make it through the week: keep the fridge stocked, kids fed, laundry pile to a minimum, office politics in check… How can people juggle modern life and carve out space to connect to something more?

SK: The time excuse is what I call a false objection. When someone comes in for coaching, they have an intention to make a shift in their world. Making this shift doesn’t necessarily require a lot of time. What it needs is for you to be conscious in your life and to become aware of the areas you fall unconscious. It’s about setting a daily intention to do things differently, with greater awareness.

Anybody can do this. We can all make time to reflect on what we’re grateful for, to set clear intentions, to prioritize within our busy schedules. We make time for anything that is a priority. To make a change you must consciously make space for it. It’s also about finding the structures in your life that work. For example, I have a client who is passionate about yoga. She practices without fail three times a week and does a morning meditation. It only takes 15 minutes a day but this is what works for her.

It’s all about courage – about owning your life. My role as a coach is to dare you to do it: say it out loud, take a bold step, and do something that takes your breath away.

CR: In your practice you talk about Being as the starting point for achieving goals. Isn’t that counterintuitive?

SK: The ultimate destination is always right now. It’s about being in this moment with true self-acceptance. It means that how you show up – right now – is more than OK. Being is about letting go of the need to please others…to perform or to be perfect. It’s about fully living your human experience in this moment and contributing this essence to the world. And it only has to be meaningful to you.

There is so much abundance in every moment. Even in the darkest moments of our lives, Being is about connecting to what is truly awesome about life right now and remembering everything there is to be grateful for. Because, ultimately, when we look back we won’t wish we had spent more time in an office. We will hope to have a positive impact on the people in our lives. This is the legacy we leave.

It’s a choice every single day about how you’re going to do things. Some days it’s easy, while other days it’s like, ‘Oh my gosh, hold on’! The thing to remember is your intention and choose based on the impact you really want to make.

CR: How do you help people overcome the fears that keep them from pursuing their true desires?

SK: It’s all about courage – about owning your life. You must be willing to feel the fear (and it will scare the s*+% out of you!) and then go ahead and face it. You have to be ready to try something different. We sometimes think we will have that one light bulb moment that will change our life. We’ve all had these moments of inspiration. But the real change comes when you take action towards it. When you do this it’s hard not to naturally overcome fears.

You can talk yourself in or out of anything. I’m not saying this is easy. But the place to start is noticing the stories you tell yourself in that moment when you’re talking yourself out of something that matters to you. I encourage you to have a discussion with yourself and acknowledge the dilemma out loud. Ask yourself: Who do I really want to be? Is this action honouring that choice?

CR: You spend a lot of time helping others. Where do you turn when you need inspiration?

SK: I have a friend, Jill Donahue, who inspires the heck out of me! She has inspired me since the day we met in 2000. She is passionate and disciplined; she acknowledges when things are hard and still does it anyway. She cares deeply about the world and about people. I always feel I have nourished my soul after connecting with her, whether it’s exchanging an SMS or eating a meal together. When I’m feeling down, I reach out to have an everyday chat with Jill. Her positive outlook on everything in life helps me connect to my purpose. Just surrounding myself with her energy is enough to get me back on track in life.

I recently read an article that you are a reflection of the average five people you spend the most time with. Jill feeds my energy. Likewise, she tells me that she seeks me out when she’s looking to be inspired. It can be hard as busy women to keep this connection. In my case, Jill and I count on each other for support – and we look to stay connected and invite other like-minded women to help one another.

CR: Any final bits of wisdom to share?

SK: I would say, learn to give a resounding YES to things that truly matter to you. There is a technique we use in coaching, borrowed from the improvisation school of theatre, which is ‘Yes and…’. When people put ideas out to you, instead of answering with an immediate No, stay open to the idea. The ‘Yes’ part keeps you open to new possibilities. The ‘And’ gives you power to reframe what’s truly possible and true to you. Of course, some things eventually do become a ‘No, thank you’. But this might just be the fear talking. This technique keeps it from becoming analytical too quickly and keeps you open to new possibilities.